What to Bring to College

Okay, it’s 10AM and I’ve just woken up. I stayed up until 2 trying to figure out what choice I should make. I think the Anonymous who commented was right- I have to make the effort to put this behind me. Gregg could have called me if he wanted to, but he didn’t. He didn’t call me once the whole summer when he probably had a thousand opportunities to sneak away and give me a call from his cell, or maybe call me once from work on a break. But he didn’t. I need to wake up and take the hint. He’s probably not ever going to call again.

The thing I’m most worried about though is that he’ll call in like a year or so as soon as I’ve gotten over him and stopped thinking about him daily. I’m afraid he’ll call and say “Hey! How are you?” and my mending heart will be snapped into at least four pieces again and I’ll go “Good. How are you?”.

I freaking hate men. In my opinion, lesbians have it easy. Women, I could deal with. Damn you, God, that you didn’t make me attracted to them.

In other news, I’ve finally begun packing for college. I had a small box together with the essentials that I hadn’t unpacked, but the rest of it has been a real bitch to get together. I still need to find some Tylenol. I know I bought a bottle, but damned if it isn’t buried somewhere. Hopefully, it’s buried in one of my bags.

You know what I hate? College lists that try to be like “Things You Never Would Have Thought Of to Bring to College”. They’re never original. Ever. Why? Because everyone thinks of them. The following is my version of a Things You Never Would Have Thought to Bring to College, and my version really is things you wouldn’t think of.

Eight Things You Would Never Think to Bring to College
(with helpful pictures!)

1. Folding Chair of any kind.

If you’re ever going to make friends in college, you need for them to have somewhere to sit other than your bed. That fills up real fast. The desk chairs get taken up as well. I would recommend buying a couple folding chairs, actually, not just one. It depends how many friends you want to keep.

2. Yearbook

Don’t bring this item right away. If you make a group of friends, bring a yearbook back with you after winter break. You should all compare how bad your yearbooks are and why you weren’t in as many pictures as you’d like. It’s fun.

3. Hackeysack

Also known as the Insta-Friend for guys. Girls can bring one as well, but have you ever noticed how easily guys bond when they’re playing a sport together? I picked hackeysack because it has the smallest ball, but I suppose a soccer ball or a basketball would work as well.

4. Tissue Boxes (at least 4)

Why? Not because you’ll need to jerk off in college. Gross. Who thought that? You need the tissue boxes because the college bookstore will rip you off like no other when you get a cold in October and go through your first little travel packet of tissues. At my bookstore, they charge $4 a box. $4. Do you realize how ridiculous that is? This year, I’m bringing my tissues from home and I’m going to enjoy it, damnit.

5. One Plain T-shirt

Somewhere, somehow along the line, no matter what clubs or sororities or groups you join, you will be forced to make a spirit t-shirt. If you want to get really classy, get a plain t-shirt with the colors of your school. Last year I had to make three such shirts- one for orchestra, one for crew, and one for our school basketball team (which I wasn’t even a part of). You’ll need this. Bring it.

6. Frisbee

Yet another way to make friends. It’s similar to the hackeysack, but not quite. Throwing a firsbee around takes up more room, so you get more people to see you more. More exposure to people means more eventual friends.

7. Miniature Sudoku book

Deathly important. When you’re bored as shit in your classes and can barely stay awake, I’ve found that Sudoku books make you look like you’re conscious and gives the impression that you’re taking notes. If your professor sees you doing them (not that that’s ever happened (cough)), insist that you have a mild case of ADHD and that you focus better when your hands have something to do while you listen. It works wonders.

8. Whiteboard Calendar

No, I’m not talking about the little whiteboard hangs outside your door. I’m talking about the above. This deceptively simple system is what kept me on top of meetings, classes, assignments, and due dates for anything. This is the best thing you could ever get to organize yourself in college. Get it.

People will probably find this as they search for what to bring to college. If you have any suggestions for things that are really, truly forgotten to bring to college, add a comment and help out the freshman!