Announcement

Okay, so I know you'll all absolutely hate me for this, but I need to make an announcement.

The Hikari as Not Seen on TV... is going on hiatus. Maybe I'm slightly pathetic. I didn't even last a month in the blogosphere. But hey, we had some good times, and I'm sad that I'm going to have to leave this now.

My 18-credit fall semester, being on the crew team, working as an editor and writer for the school newspaper, changing majors, and writing this blog is just too much on my plate. I decided to cut Hikari as Not Seen on TV and give myself a little less stress.

If you feel the need to rant at me, comment, or just want to keep in touch, please message me on AIM at AcidicAngel247. Thanks in advance for your understanding.

Note that this is not a permanent hiatus... but it is a hiatus with no as-yet-foreseeable ending.

-Alyssa

Face-Palm Time

I spoke to Marlie earlier today and I'm more than slightly concerned.

Marlie: "Fuck."

Me: "Hello?"

"Hikari, I screwed up." She sounded extremely shaken. Usually Marlie's tone is cool. Collected. Sometimes amused. But never trembling and quiet. I couldn't imagine what had happened to make her sound like that. I had been walking and talking on the phone, and I actually sat down on a bench somewhere.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"No, no, nothing physically. But I messed up and now I have to drop one of my classes."

"What? Why?"

"The professor and I... had an argument."

Apparently, she had been in her first Intro to Philosophy class this morning. The professor, for whatever reason, had wandered onto the topic of rebirth, soul mates, what happens to the soul after it dies, etc.

He asked the class, “Who thinks one soul can latch onto the other and hold onto it for eternity?"

Marlie raised her hand slightly, then put it back down. The professor noticed it.

“Marlie, was it? Do you agree with that statement?"

“Maybe. I was thinking that I mostly believe in the idea that a soul can find its other half. It’s more reasonable to believe that two halves of a soul would gravitate toward each other in life than two separate souls."

Here, for whatever reason, the professor disagreed. “I’m not sure about that. I really don’t believe in soul mates myself.” (Just on a side note, I hate it when professors insert their own opinions into the class…)

“I do.” Marlie wasn’t letting this go. Maybe just because she’s Marlie. Maybe because it was early. Maybe because she missed me.

“Do you have any proof to back up your belief?” he asked. According to Marlie, he had “a stupid little shit smirk on his fucking face”. She couldn’t resist.

“Yeah, I do,” she answered. As horribly as this situation ends, I can’t help smiling right now as I picture her stubborn chin jutting out and her lips clamped down in a scowl. She’s so beautiful and so… Marlie, when she gets all fired up. “I’ve met the other half of my soul.”

Here, the professor outright chuckled. “Uh-huh,” he said, clearly not believing her. “Well, I encourage you to return here in fifty years hence and tell me if you still think this person’s what you think they are.”

“I would, but you’ll be dead,” Marlie answered.

Everyone, face-palm with me right now.

The professor took it as a death threat, though Marlie only meant that, seeing as the man is about 60 and smokes three packs a day, it’s unlikely he’ll make it to the age of 110. He kicked her out of the class and tried to make her get a ‘fail’ for it, but she’s going over to Academic Affairs to argue her case this morning. Oh, Marlie… I hope you stay cool-headed enough to impress the secretary there so she’ll sign you up for another class…

No One Likes Bush. Especially President Bush.

Is it just me, or can anyone else hardly wait until our president is out of office?

Ugh. No one even needs an explanation anymore. This man just absolutely sucks. I don't know if any of you voted for him, but I hope you really regret doing so now.

I remember back in 11th grade, I had to do a huge debate on whether or not the US was justified in invading Iraq or not. Two days before my presentation, Bush was like "Hey guyz! Invasion time!" but I continued to do my project anyway. My conclusion on the matter was that we were not justified in invading Iraq. First of all, none of Bush's claims stood up to scrutiny. "We have evidence that Iraq has millions of factories where it manufactures biological weapons." What evidence? If you don't believe me, you should check out the Iraq on the Record Report, compiled at the request of Rep. Henry A. Waxman.

The report focuses on the top five most important officials in US government talking about Iraq: President George W. Bush, Vice President Richard Cheney, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of State Colin Powell, and National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice.

It finds that an astounding 237 of the statements made by our government officials were misleading, uninformed, or simply dead wrong. The most misleading statements/lies were made in respect to Iraq manufacturing biological or chemical weapons.

Bush lying on record is blatant. “We found the weapons of mass destruction. . . . [F]or those who say we haven’t found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they’re wrong, we found them.”

Ugh. I'm not normally political at all, but this is disgusting. Of course, Iraq isn't the only place that our president's fucked up, but you guys either know this or could go read about it for yourself. It pissed me off especially today because I saw and agreed with the following photo.

(Click on the photo for a link to the larger original.)

VA & Kid's Show

I'm not sure if I have Violent Acres listed in my blogroll, but if she isn't, she should be. Note to self. Anyway, you should check out this journal entry. Not because she's controversial about everything, blah blah. Not because she's cruel. Just because she fucking mentioned dog agility! Shit yeah! Everyone should do agility with their dog. My beagle and I took a training class, and, besides it allowing our competitive spirits to shine through, it's a hell of a good time. You'll meet some weird-ass people, maybe (at least in the backwoods of my city), but you should totally get into it. I'm still impressed. That, and she's taking plumbing classes and stuff. Not important. Get into dog agility! Read her blog!

And maybe watch some Wonder Showzen while you're at it. Extremely inappropriate and hilarious. I'll update more seriously tomorrow. Right now it's 95 and humid and I can't think rationally.

Business + Stuff I found

Let's get the business stuff out of the way first.

1. I added a little link at the bottom of each post that says 'Track with co.mments'. You should do that. What it means is that if you comment on my blog, then confirm that you want to track the comments on that particular post, it'll email you if I reply back in comments. I was sniffing around, discovered it, and declared it useful.

2. I also added on a search function to your left. Now you can search my blog if you remember me saying something you liked (or didn't) and want to find it.

Stuff I Found

• Uneetee.com: I don't know if anyone else's heard of Uneetee.com, but it has really interesting t-shirts. Some of them are clever, some are weird, some are gross. And all of them make you go "Wtf?". If I could pick one out for myself, I'd definitely do Thunder. Or maybe Bamboo Shoot. Or maybe T-Rex Romance. It's a shame I need no more t-shirts or I would seriously raid this place.
• Ant City: Okay, there may not seem to be a clear goal in this game for you to focus on. Let me explain. Take your magnifying glass with your mouse. Move it over a person. Click and hold the left mouse button. Now BURN PEOPLE. There's something extremely satisfying about causing this amount of destruction.
  
• Short Stories: A collection of all sorts that I found recently. I like to read original stories sometimes in addition to fan fiction, but epic novels that are original are usuallly... bad. Short stories are generally better. The ones on here don't all match my preferences unfortunately. That said, I like the sci-fi section.
  

Postcard

(Above picture is a copy I found online.)

Back of postcard:

Hikari,

Classes are fine. I just talked to you yesterday and I know you are fine. It doesn't matter. My friends here are fine. They don't matter. When can I come visit you this fall? I miss you. I love you. Call me.

-Marlie


I miss Marlie.... and it's only September 5th. Ugh. The year ahead seems damned long.

Myth #7

The past few days have been both awful and wonderful. Wonderful, because I've seen a whole bunch of people I missed. Awful, because I've had to help people move shit in almost endlessly. Also awful, because I was right about Elise stressing me out by being my room mate. So far, we've gone on three walks around midnight because she was feeling "depressed" and thought that walking outside talking about unimportant shit would solve her problems. I was also right about the fact that the two new room mates we have would be complete and utter ass. God, I hate being right.

Last night, I came back in around 11 and was ready to go to bed. I walked in to Rachel, Elise, and Nico discussing what one of our room mates had done. According to them, Randi (one of the room mate slut girls) stumbled in possibly drunk, plopped down on my amazing $10 chair, and started talking super-loudly on her phone. They'd been watching TV and thought it quite rude. She then marched back into her room and slammed the door.

Elise, Rachel, and Nicole guessed Randi had been drinking, but I knew. Why is it that, of all the super abilities I could possibly have, I had to have the power to recognize the smells of alcohol, sex, and cigarettes all rolled into one? The booze smell was strongest, sex a bit... fainter (I know what it smells like, I'm still a virgin, shut up), and cigarettes faintest. I think she just walked through a smoke cloud at wherever she was...

Anyway, I crashed around 11:30. I then got up around 1:30 to pee because Elise had given me some Vitamin water two seconds before bed (thanks, roomie), but someone was in the one toilet stall we have. I was waiting by the sink, bleary-eyed and half-awake in a huge t-shirt and boxers, when this guy walks into my bathroom. My bathroom. In our all-girls suite.

Me: "????"
Him: "Uh, hi. I'm (insert room mate here)'s boyfriend."
Me: "Kay."

He looked like the most enormously stereotypical jock you could possibly imagine, no joke. He had broad shoulders, a huge barrel-like body, and a thick sausagey neck. Holy crap, jock. Anyway, one of the room mates came out then and was like "hey" and I was like "uggggh", went in to pee, then fell back into bed.

I know I keep saying "one of the room mates", but I really can't tell them apart. They're like fucking clones of each other. They're both freakily straight-haired blondes who dyed their hair a dark brown. They're both tan. They both wear enormous quantities of makeup. They both have the same lilting voice that makes every sentence a question. "So I was with this guy? And he was like hey? And I was like you're not serious? Oh my god?" Extremely fucking annoying. Hopefully, they'll both overdose on something or get kicked out of our room for being caught with beer. I don't care which happens, but it should really happen soon.

This morning, I trekked over to the Honors office to find out if I could register for an Honors class. Because I'm an overachiever like that. See, I've figured out the method to my madness. I do semi-okay in classes when I have an easy schedule. I do really well in classes when I have a crazy schedule. That's my reasoning. I'm taking 18 credits. Wonderful.

Having successfully registered for the Honors course, I realized I had a half hour until I had to attend it. Damn. I wandered back to my guy friends' suite and was all like "Hey guyz, want to eat?" Only Brian was hungry, so I ate a quick breakfast with him before class.

The class itself is sort of literary. Its theme is the "altered state", which is a very general topic. We're reading Alice in Wonderland, Slaughterhouse-Five, etc. It'll be really easy for me. I was amused to learn that my friend Dave is also in it. Why was I amused? #1, Dave is the only guy in the class. It's Dave and Twelve Girls. That should be like a sitcom. #2, Dave does not have a creative bone in his body. He's an all math-and-science type guy, which are areas the Honors curriculum fails to cover, lol. Our first assignment is to create a two page fairy tale involving altered persons. This will be epic. He's still working at it after two hours of hard work. XD Even better, this Thursday in class, we have to read our fairy tales outloud. Excellent. Oh, and #3? Dave is one of those weird geeks you see who went prematurely bald and looks like he's about 40 even though he's only 19. He's awesome. Liam and I both thought he was a professor when we met him last year.

I also suffered through my Accounting class today. I fell asleep in it. In the first class. Great start or greatest start?

By the way... Myth #7. Hikaris prefer light, bright colors like pink or yellow. Yamis prefer dark colors like black or navy. (Source)

I got one lovely vote from Michelle, who claimed this myth was false.

PSYCHE. It's true. Let's compare wardrobes.

Mine:


Hers:

That’s about the main jist of it. For whatever reason, this stereotype fits us. The only variation is that I have two black shirts I rarely wear. Marlie has one bright blue shirt. I bought it for her. She wears it occasionally. By that, I mean at like, Christmas and Easter. Maybe.

Off to College

Packing all my shit into the car was surprisingly easy. Perhaps too easy. I predict that something will happen along the way to college tomorrow that will substantially lengthen the trip. Why? Because nothing is that easy- no such thing as a free lunch.

Preview to Myth # 7: Hikaris prefer light, bright colors like pink or yellow. Yamis prefer dark colors like black or navy.

What do you guys think? I'll give you all a bit of a break to think on this because #1: I have to get to bed right now. I'm exhausted. #2: Moving in, unpacking, and then rising from the dead the next day to help move in freshman will NOT BE FUN. There could be a good couple day break until the next post. Therefore, it is up to you to think carefully and deeply about the above. Is it a myth? Reality? Comment and impress me with your knowledge.

The following clip makes me think of Marlie because it's our favorite.

19 Most Epic Internet Memes of All Time

This is my latest effort to distract myself from the mountain of crap that is me packing. Below is a list, unordered, of the top 19 greatest memes ever. If you've heard of 5, you're average. If you've heard of 10, you're net-savvy. If you've heard of 15, you're online way too much. If you've heard of all 19, you go on 4-chan and should say something so I know there are other /b/tards out there.

1. Star Wars Kid



You can't have a meme list without mentioning the Star Wars kid. It all started out as a school project back in the 90's, with this kid swinging around a golf club and pretending to be Darth Vader. I should mention that he's a fat ass, which makes the video extra funny. According to Wikipedia, this video is the most popular of all time with an estimated 90 million views (more thanks to YouTube). The kid actually sued his friends in 2003 for a shitload of money, claiming the video had ruined his self-esteem or something like that.

2. All Your Base



This animation is from a bad Japanese-to-English translation from a crappy videogame called Zero Wing that made in like 1989. The animation and making fun of it actually caught on sometime in 2000 or 2001. It's legendary. It's epic. If you haven't seen it, you're automatically disqualified from connecting to the Internet. Go watch it or GTFO, man.

3. Badger Badger Badger




Awesome flash video that that nerd was watching in your 7th grade Word Processing class. That was me. The basic concept? A video with badgers doing calisthenics, mushrooms, and a snake put into legendary song version. Everyone should experience this song long enough to be able to sing it later without a problem.

4. The End of the World Cartoon


A friend and I at one point in life has this cartoon memorized. It's a very simple concept. What would happen if everyone fired missiles at each other? What would the reactions be? Best of all, the cartoon is narrated in a kickass accent. Awesome.

5. Hamster Dance



I think this damn animation page went up in like 1995. Let's check Wikipedia... 1998. Close enough. All this page consisted of was rows upon rows of animated gifs of hamsters dancing to a sped-up version of "Whistle Stop". It was the result of a bet between two sisters to see who could generate the most web traffic. If this won, I hate to see what the other sister made, sheesh. In 2007, Cnet voted this the most popular Internet meme.

6. Numa Numa Video



This video always reminds me of the Star Wars kid. Instead of a golf club lightsaber and a fat kid, we have the song Dragostea din tei and... well, a different fat kid. In the clip, an American named Gary Brolsma lip-syncs to this song. And he does a fairly good job of it too. Isn't it weird what becomes viral on the Net?

7. Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris is a famous marital artist/actor who played Walker on the show Walker, Texas Ranger. I'm sure he appreciates all the attention from his fans on the Internet today, many who have never seen the show. They don't need to. The Chuck Norris Facts are an epic meme that will make you laugh no matter what. Check out the following few examples.

• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
• Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

8. Line Rider



A toy born in 2006 that sounds simple but requires skill to master. The object: draw a line that a little man on a sled can slide down. If you draw it too steep, he might not make his way up. If you draw it at an impossible anger, he's going to crash and die. There are an incredible number of videos online with complicated stunts and loops all set to music. EPIC, my friends.

9. Giant Enemy Crab

This meme originates from Genji: Days of the Blade at the 2006 Sony E3 press conference. Straight from Wikipedia, which tells the story best:

The producer Bill Ritch claimed that Genji 2's battles were based on "famous battles which actually took place in ancient Japan". The gameplay shown after contained a "giant enemy crab" seemingly indicating that the game had a more fantasy-based premise, rather than history-based. Popular memes from the portion included "You attack its weak point for massive damage" and "Real-time… weapon change" (which was not a large advancement by any means). Memes were also created from Kaz Hirai saying "PS3 means real change" directly before, and the quote "Genji is an action game based on famous battles which actually took place in Ancient Japan"; the quote was ironic because action games based on Japanese history are quite numerous, and obviously no "Giant Enemy Crabs" exist in Japan, ancient or otherwise.

Also included in this section is the infamous shout of "Riiiiiiiidge Racer!" It felt silly to put that as #10 by itself. This whole presentation was just amazing. And by amazing, I mean complete ass.

10. Evolution of Dance



I saw this video maybe two years ago. My goddamn grandmother sent it to me, but for once, it wasn't a completely worthless email. The guy in the video dances in every style you can imagine to different music. Really, really cool.

11. Chocolate Rain



Though only recently posted (April 2007), Chocolate Rain is already a meme in a big way. It's performed by Tay Zonday, and though he looks like he's maybe 10, he's actually 25. I'm warning you- this song will get stuck in your head FOREVER. The remixes are amazing, and I suggest you go out and find one. Not that the original's that "bad". I love how this weirdo leans out from the microphone to breathe in and alerts viewers of this fact, haha.

12. Peanut Butter Jelly Time



Okay, you should all know this video. It came out in early 2000 and made use of the Banana Man (also known as the Dancing Banana). It took the basic animation, which had been used on messageboards for a while already, and set it to music called "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" (repeating the chorus) by the Buckwheat Boyz.

13. Goatse.cx

(I'm totally not showing you this image. I have children reading this blog, for god's sake.)

Perhaps the first shock meme (and slightly more infamous than the zombie car commercial), Goatse.cx was a link posted on forums that was designed to lure innocent, unsuspecting people to a web site with the picture hello.jpg. It's an extremely rude, and funny, image of some guy with an enormously stretched asshole with his junk and tool hanging in plain view. Gorgeous. Goatse.cx was officially taken down sometime in 2004, but it made reemergences later on. Right now, I think the domain's up for sale.

14. Banana Phone


A gruesome, poorly drawn Flash video straight from Ebaum's World that tells the story of 3 roommates driven insane by a Banana Phone song. I definitely have this video memorized. According to Wikipedia, the original song was made in 1994. It has some strange lyrics.

"Cellular, modular, interactive-odular!"

15. Do a barrel roll!

And now starts the shit you may never have heard of before. Originating from Star Fox 64, the phrase "do a barrel roll!" is a popular meme on places like YTMND and 4chan. Often, it's given as advice to problems that require quite a lot of thought.

16. Lol Cats

Involving cat pictures with lowercase badly-spelled captions. Often featured on 4chan on Saturday (known as Caturday- "post some fucking cats!"). All you get are the following examples.

17. Raptor Jesus

The not-quite-serious belief that Jesus was in fact a being with a raptor head and a human body. The phrase "Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins" is rather common.

From Encyclopedia Dramatica:

There came a day when Raptor Jesus walked with His disciples in a city. They passed many people, and Raptor Jesus would state "They are Anonymous, they are the masses. They are many, and yet they are one. They are quick to judge, and their wrath is terrible." Then Raptor Jesus and His disciples came across a man painting a mural. Raptor Jesus studied the man's work for a time, and then turned to his disciples.

"Animated," he said.

18. Snakes on a Plane

This movie (which rather sucked) became famous online thanks to Internet hype. Much of the initial publicity came from the fact that Samuel Jackson got to say "Enough is enough! I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" And the supposed rumor that Jackson threatened to quit when the producers changed the title from Snakes on a Plane to Pacific Air Flight 121. According to Jackson, "That's the only reason I took the job: I read the title."

19. 300

300 is an epic movie that is supposed to be a colossal retelling of the Battle of Thermapylae. I heard it was good. Before that, I heard the following:

And last, but not least:

I hope you all enjoyed that presentation. It took me about 4 hours to put together (literally) only because I had to watch each video all over again as I was putting it together. Like I hadn't seen them all about a zillion times before. I'm sure there are other memes that I've missed, but those are the biggest ones I could think of. What other memes do you think should be included in this list? Comment away.

Tomorrow I'll try to post a myth for you to bust/argue in favor for. 'Try' is the key word because it's the day before I leave for school and I need to shop, finish packing, see relatives one last time before I leave, and so on and so forth.

Elise & Alyssa: The New Stress Comedy

Housing this year is going to be interesting.

And I'm not sure if i mean good-interesting or bad-interesting.

For one thing, my room mates are all pretty weird. I've told you about Rachel, the god-loving one who might up and leave us to become a missionary eventually. She's rooming with a girl who's in our six-person suite, but she was going to originally room with me. Her name's Stacy. I thought I would be rooming with her, and all was good until she suddenly decided she wanted to room with Rachel instead. I think I know why. Stacy and I weren't very close last year because she lived in a different building. She hung out with Rachel more than with me. In my defense, however, Stacy's pretty freaking weird. She has this really creepy giggling laugh that gets on my nerves occasionally, she's decided recently that she likes coloring like a six-year-old again, and she's best friends with a girl who I hate. Hopefully, the name of that person won't become important this year. Ugh. Can anyone see the massive slide down into drama?

My room mate, of course, is Elise, the crazy anime nut, and I was thinking until last night that things are looking up on that front. We were both talking about how excited we were. I thought to myself, "Maybe this year won't be as bad as I thought living with Elise." And that's when she said, "Uh, Alyssa? I have a problem, can I talk to you about it?"

"Sure..."

Elise is close with two people who kind of annoy me, but that's okay. Whatever. Her two bestest friends are Nico (Nicole, really, and she's a squealy anime nut like Elise, except tinier, which makes her much more high-pitched) and Matt (who's on crew team with us and not hot but Elise has a crush on him). Apparently, Nico and Elise have a crush on Matt, who may or may not have a crush on either of them. Yet he knows that Nico and Elise like him. Yes, as in like.

I was like, "Uhhh? What do you want me to do?"

It turns out that Elise really really really wants Matt (what was the phrase she used? oh yes, if she let Nico have him, she'd "loose her sanity". The typo killed me as well), but so might Nico. Maybe. See, Elise hasn't exactly talked to her friend about this. I told her she ought to talk to Nico and jointly decide who should go after Matt. She said, "Oh no, that would be so awkward." I was like "Wha? Have you never had one of those conversations?" She kept saying, "it would be so awkward, so awkward, blah blah" and at this point I realized she was thick. Probably thicker than Marlie because my yami and I have had this talk successfully. If you're in a similar situation to Elise and you don't talk it out with your friend, you're either going to lose your friend or the boy or both.

I finally asked if she wanted the truth given to her straight, and she said yes. I unleashed, as my mother says, my "full opinion without the mincing of words that polite people do".

(2:18:58 AM) Alyssa: this is what real friends do, they tell you the truth, and I'm going to deal it to you straight, girl
(2:19:02 AM) Alyssa: you're being a coward
(2:19:06 AM) Alyssa: an absolute coward.
(2:19:10 AM) Alyssa: it's easy to choose between two people
(2:19:14 AM) Alyssa: maybe not easy, but easier
(2:19:18 AM) Alyssa: than compromising with both
(2:19:25 AM) Alyssa: the choice here is clear-cut
(2:20:02 AM) Alyssa: 1. you don't talk to your two friends about the situation. you neatly avoid it and let it pass overhead. After months of agonizing wait and awkwardness, the situation blows up and you either lose one or both.
(2:20:32 AM) Alyssa: 2. you talk to one, or both, about the situation. I'd recommend talking to Nicole. You decide who gets him. That girls tries to get him. If he refuses, she lost and the other girl tries for him. Simple.
(2:20:38 AM) Alyssa: Those are the two choices.
(2:20:55 AM) Alyssa: you gotta choose
(2:21:16 AM) Alyssa: and I'd rather you choose the 'brave' option that will end better so that I don't end up with you crying on my shoulder, okay? that's the last thing I want.
(2:21:18 AM) Alyssa: : (
(2:21:35 AM) Elise: okay... I guess I'll work something out

Ugh. She guesses she'll work something out? This year may suck just because of all the drama Elise is bringing into my room. Theoretically, the room will be shaped where it's split by a closet. At least then I'll have my own space to crawl into and listen to Keane's song 'Crystal Ball'. "Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball, save us all- tell me life is beautiful..."

Then again, it's hard to criticize someone else's problems when you definitely have your own. At least Elise was brave enough to talk about it with me. I haven't told anyone but you guys. Aren't you just the lucky ones?

Question: Have you ever been in the type of fix Elise is in now? How did you proceed and how did it turn out? Did you lose a friend, gain a boy, or both or neither?

What to Bring to College

Okay, it’s 10AM and I’ve just woken up. I stayed up until 2 trying to figure out what choice I should make. I think the Anonymous who commented was right- I have to make the effort to put this behind me. Gregg could have called me if he wanted to, but he didn’t. He didn’t call me once the whole summer when he probably had a thousand opportunities to sneak away and give me a call from his cell, or maybe call me once from work on a break. But he didn’t. I need to wake up and take the hint. He’s probably not ever going to call again.

The thing I’m most worried about though is that he’ll call in like a year or so as soon as I’ve gotten over him and stopped thinking about him daily. I’m afraid he’ll call and say “Hey! How are you?” and my mending heart will be snapped into at least four pieces again and I’ll go “Good. How are you?”.

I freaking hate men. In my opinion, lesbians have it easy. Women, I could deal with. Damn you, God, that you didn’t make me attracted to them.

In other news, I’ve finally begun packing for college. I had a small box together with the essentials that I hadn’t unpacked, but the rest of it has been a real bitch to get together. I still need to find some Tylenol. I know I bought a bottle, but damned if it isn’t buried somewhere. Hopefully, it’s buried in one of my bags.

You know what I hate? College lists that try to be like “Things You Never Would Have Thought Of to Bring to College”. They’re never original. Ever. Why? Because everyone thinks of them. The following is my version of a Things You Never Would Have Thought to Bring to College, and my version really is things you wouldn’t think of.

Eight Things You Would Never Think to Bring to College
(with helpful pictures!)

1. Folding Chair of any kind.

If you’re ever going to make friends in college, you need for them to have somewhere to sit other than your bed. That fills up real fast. The desk chairs get taken up as well. I would recommend buying a couple folding chairs, actually, not just one. It depends how many friends you want to keep.

2. Yearbook

Don’t bring this item right away. If you make a group of friends, bring a yearbook back with you after winter break. You should all compare how bad your yearbooks are and why you weren’t in as many pictures as you’d like. It’s fun.

3. Hackeysack

Also known as the Insta-Friend for guys. Girls can bring one as well, but have you ever noticed how easily guys bond when they’re playing a sport together? I picked hackeysack because it has the smallest ball, but I suppose a soccer ball or a basketball would work as well.

4. Tissue Boxes (at least 4)

Why? Not because you’ll need to jerk off in college. Gross. Who thought that? You need the tissue boxes because the college bookstore will rip you off like no other when you get a cold in October and go through your first little travel packet of tissues. At my bookstore, they charge $4 a box. $4. Do you realize how ridiculous that is? This year, I’m bringing my tissues from home and I’m going to enjoy it, damnit.

5. One Plain T-shirt

Somewhere, somehow along the line, no matter what clubs or sororities or groups you join, you will be forced to make a spirit t-shirt. If you want to get really classy, get a plain t-shirt with the colors of your school. Last year I had to make three such shirts- one for orchestra, one for crew, and one for our school basketball team (which I wasn’t even a part of). You’ll need this. Bring it.

6. Frisbee

Yet another way to make friends. It’s similar to the hackeysack, but not quite. Throwing a firsbee around takes up more room, so you get more people to see you more. More exposure to people means more eventual friends.

7. Miniature Sudoku book

Deathly important. When you’re bored as shit in your classes and can barely stay awake, I’ve found that Sudoku books make you look like you’re conscious and gives the impression that you’re taking notes. If your professor sees you doing them (not that that’s ever happened (cough)), insist that you have a mild case of ADHD and that you focus better when your hands have something to do while you listen. It works wonders.

8. Whiteboard Calendar

No, I’m not talking about the little whiteboard hangs outside your door. I’m talking about the above. This deceptively simple system is what kept me on top of meetings, classes, assignments, and due dates for anything. This is the best thing you could ever get to organize yourself in college. Get it.

People will probably find this as they search for what to bring to college. If you have any suggestions for things that are really, truly forgotten to bring to college, add a comment and help out the freshman!

Phone Conversation

Marlie: "Hey."

Me: "Hi! How's stuff?"

"My room and my roommate are total ass."

"Er... why?"

"My room is right next to the cafeteria. It smells like meat all day and I don't like it. My roommate is a slut. I hope she won't fuck in my bed."

"Hope not. Classes?"

"More ass, with one bright spot."

"On the ass?"

"Exactly. Every professor looks boring except for one. The guy's grade-A gay. We have a bunch of jocks in the class. There's me and one other girl. He is so fucked."

"Maybe he's not gay?"

"He wore a Logo t-shirt the first day."

"So he's hardcore gay."

"Uh-huh. Plus, he's having sex with his TA."

"How do you know this?"

"Instinct."

"Marlie. You're thick."

"I'm sure on this point. Or does ass-slapping and raucous giggling only pertain to heterosexual friendships?"

"Maybe..."

"I have to go. Roomie's home." (Pause) "Oh, excellent. She's brought someone home with her. I think this is a prime opportunity to ask how her genital herpes flareup is doing."

"She has herpes?"

"No. Bye."

"Bye!"



More on the Gregg situation before I do anything tomorrow morning. Thanks for the kind comments and emails that are giving me insightful input.

And the Truth Comes Out

I've been fretting over something for the past few days, a fact you could probably pull from the sometimes-hurried, infrequent posting. I've come to a decision on the matter. I'm not sure it's the right choice to make. I want your opinions on this. This is one of my big, dark deep secrets that I've told no one- not even Marlie.

It all started in February 2006 when I was looking for a job. I applied at several different places: Staples, the local dollar store, Genuardi's, etc. You name it, I applied there. I also put in an application at a place called Give Me 10. It was a ten-dollar-and-under store that had just opened that month and they were looking for people. I had no experience with any job, ever, but they took me.

It was one of the best things that ever happened to me in my life.

Because I'm a hard worker, I don't complain about cleaning, and I do a good, thorough, and thoughtful job of things, I was quickly loved by my managers. Managers came and went, but in the end there were always three: Lucy, the general manager that oversaw everything; Brian, the slacker manager that managed to get things done anyway; and Gregg, the manager who arranged every single shelf and hook in that store. Gregg was also the manager I fell in love with.

So far, you're all like "Well... he may have been your manager, but he was only a few years older than you, right?"

WRONG. Lucy was in her 40's. Adam was 27. Gregg was 34.

I was 17 when I started working there. He was 34. That's a 17 year difference. Twice my age. Maybe that kind of age gap wasn't a problem back in the 1800's or whatever, but I know it's weird today. Only celebrities can get away with that kind of thing. But what was the weirdest part of the whole matter? It didn't seem weird to me.

It's not like he was some kind of lech coming onto me in a gross way. First, we became partners. I was his righthand girl for any project that we had going on in the store. He trusted me, and I liked that feeling. If there was a whole department to redo or restock, he entrusted it to me and knew I would get it done and do a good job on it. If he needed someone to help him clean up the store, he knew I would do it and wouldn't complain.

Then we became friends. We would stand up at the front of the store when it wasn't busy and talk for hours at a time. About anything. About nothing. About everything. I would tell him how my love life sucked and I had no one to take to prom (it was senior year). He would tell me how his wife was giving him a hard time and they kept getting into arguments.

Uh. Did I mention Gregg was married? Yeah. Moving on.

Gregg and I would talk about anything. Johnny Depp movies, Superman comics, horse racing, abortion, the future, where I was going to college, etc. We were just friends, plain and simple. It was so easy to be myself around him because we had the same blatant, sometimes off-color sense of humor. He was funny. He thought I was funny.

Don't make the mistake of thinking he was hot. He really wasn't. He was okay-looking, I guess, but that's not what I was attracted to. I had met a soul like mine. I, of all people, know what that feels like. Marlie is the other half of my soul, but I recognized something in Gregg that goes deeper than looks, age, or even marriage. This man was someone I could love.

When I realized how I was thinking of Gregg, I was more than slightly disturbed with myself. Was I gross? Was I disgusting? Was it wrong to be in love with someone so unlike me, so much further ahead in life than me? Ugh. I didn't tell Marlie. I feel like I can tell her anything, but this was something I felt I should keep to myself.

Even as I was debating my feelings, Gregg's attitude toward me changed a bit. One day, I opened the breakroom fridge to get my lunch out, and I saw there was a 6-pack of blue Powerades. Blue Powerade is my favorite drink in the entire world.

Gregg rounded the corner and saw me trying to determine if they were saved or for the public (aka, me). He grinned. "Go ahead. I got them for you."

"Me?" I was surprised.

He shrugged. "They're your favorite. They were on sale. I saw them and thought of you."

Gradually, in a way that I hardly noticed, we began flirting back and forth. Gregg began joking that we couldn't say anything incriminating until my 18th birthday (which was that April 1rst, it was late March by this time).

For my birthday, Gregg made sure all the managers were available after the store closed at 8. He bought me an all-chocolate cake with some icing on top, like I'd said was my favorite sometime in our conversations. He also got me three DVD's, all with Johnny Depp in them (my favorite actor): Pleasantville, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, and Edward Scissorhands. (I would be needing them because I was going to get my wisdom teeth out the next day.)

Everyone sang happy birthday to me, and they all gave me a hug, but I knew the whole thing was prepared by Gregg and Gregg alone. It made me feel unbearably special. The next day, I underwent surgery and had my wisdom teeth out with no problems, but I still had to stay home for a couple days. Gregg texted me and asked "How do you feel?" and that began the texting era of our relationship. It was fun to go back and forth when he was bored at work and I was bored/in pain at home. We continued texting even when we were both back at work.

We continued teasing each other and flirting, really, until one day when our whole team of managers went out to dinner. We were celebrating the fact that I was becoming a manager (thanks in no small part to Gregg's urging). I didn't know where the restaurant was, so Gregg offered to drive me from work and then drive me back to my car afterwards. We all went out to eat and had a good time, joking about things and laughing as Brian flirted with one of the waitresses. Gregg, of course, sat next to me in the booth. I have the feeling that Brian and Lucy knew how Gregg and I felt about each other. It was hard to hide, harder to deny, and impossible to wave off all together.

That night, when Gregg drove me back to my car (by ourselves, it was around 10 PM and the parking lot was deserted except for us), we accidentally kissed. It truly was accidental. We hugged and I got in my car and tried to start the engine, which sucked. Finally, with my door still open, I got the car going and looked up.

"Bye. See you tomorrow."

"Bye, Lys." Gregg leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek, but I'd already turned my head forward to look where I was going. The result was a kiss on the lips, very gentle and extremely quick. We both pulled away, gasping and looking at each other in slight terror. There had been an electric shock like nothing I'd ever felt before. I'd kissed boys before, most recently my former boyfriend of a year and a half, but I'd never gotten that much out of a kiss. Kissing, to me, was not an orgasmic experience.

Obviously, I'd never kissed the right someone.

I was so shocked that I closed the door and left without saying a word. It was so horrible. I gunned it out of that parking lot like I was running from a pack of wolves. I got a text message by my first light.

G: "Sorry. Sorry. I'm so sorry. I tease, but I never meant to do that."
Me: "Me neither. I'm completely sorry. I didn't mean to run off either, I was just so..."
G: "Did you feel that?"
Me: "The kiss?"
G: "There was something in it..."
Me: "Yeah. But I can't. We can't. We can't ever. Sorry."

Even after this, we continued to flirt with each other. It didn't matter what I said, my body would betray me by brushing up against him as I walked by the counter, or my hand would flit to touch his shoulder when I approached. I couldn't help myself.

So when, a few weeks before I was going to leave for school, late in August, he said quietly to me, "I think I'm in love with you.", I wasn't surprised. But I was absolutely freaked out.

Do you see the gradual descent into god-knows-what? I don't know how it could have gone differently. There was just this irresistible, magnetic pull between us. Later, I texted him and confirmed I was in love with him too. This wasn't pure lust. I knew lust. This was something else (with some lust, naturally). Even as I said I loved him, I told him that I could never be with him. That I wasn't willing to throw away my life, to possibly be ostracized by my family and friends (I wasn't worried about Marlie. She would have accepted it... if there had been something). That I was going to go to school in New York, which was about 3 hours from my home town.

We made the most of the last 2 weeks we had. We went out to lunch. We went out to dinner. At one point, when I couldn't have the car and neither of my parents could drive me to work, he went out of his way and picked me up.

The whole time, however, his wife was getting pissed. He told me long ago that she was always the jealous type. She would accuse anyone and everyone he worked with, and usually it was completely unfounded. In this case, okay, she had guessed correctly, but he argued with her. I always felt bad, like I was interrupting something they had, but he assured me that if it wasn't me, she would be jealous of the post office clerk, or the supermarket bagger, or a waitress in a restaurant.

Eventually, I went away to school. Gregg and I made a bet, an unspoken agreement that I'd have to come back in November's break, in December's break, in the following summer. He bet $20 that I'd put on more than the Freshman 15 pounds. I bet it would either be less or that I'd lose weight. It didn't matter to me whether I won/lost. It only mattered that I'd come back and work at Give Me 10 once more.

I didn't talk to Gregg much over the fall. I was busy with my room mates, with crew, with so much new stuff that I could only send the occasional email to him. When I came back in November for break, I was so excited that I could hardly stand it. So was Gregg! I only worked about two days because my break was a week long.

Gregg, however, had some news to drop. In the middle of a fight, his wife had thrown out that she was pregnant. One pregnancy test later, he discovered she was telling the truth. He was going to be a father. He was excited. So was I. You may think that weird, but I was so happy that he was happy. I knew there was no future in our relationship. I was glad he'd finally gotten along better with his wife (sort of) and that he could live happily.

Right before I came home in December, I got the following email:

Hey,

The ultrasound went well. The baby is about the size of a walnut at this point. You could see it moving around...it was really cool! Anyway, Judy has a test on Monday to check for Downs Syndrome and other Chromosomal abnormalities....Hopefully all will go well...I'm really nervous about this one...there's a 1 in 200 chance of miscarriage so you can imagine how I'm feeling.

I have you scheduled to work 3-close on Thurs, Fri, and Saturday when you get home.

Glad to hear that you are having fun at school and that you are getting "action." I'm sure the boys can't keep away!

Good luck with your finals and have a safe trip home.

See you Thursday!

Gregg

Then my dad made me send a reply back asking if I could get out of work on Sunday to go visit my extremely senile grandmother for Christmas. I didn't want to and begged Gregg to tell me I absolutely had to work on Sunday.

Hey,

The test went well. We will have the results in about a week. Judy is a little sore and uncomfortable but otherwise everything is looking good.

You are, in fact, working on Sunday. You are scheduled 12 to close (6:30) and there is nobody to replace you.

And for the record...e-mailing you back is not an inconvienance.

Hope your exams went well. Me and you closing tomorrow...See you then.

Gregg

What I would give to go back to those times...

The day after Christmas, our overhead boss announced that the store would be closing down. We had made it almost a year, but Give Me 10 was dead. I got a call from Lucy that morning telling me the news and asking if I wanted to go out to breakfast with her and Gregg (it was about 9 in the morning). I mumbled yes (having not been awake before) and got myself dressed as quickly as possible. It was a sad little breakfast that involved us all moping. We'd enjoyed our jobs, for chrissakes. How rare is that?

Two days later, I went into the store to pick up my paycheck. Gregg was there, watching some random workmen take down all the shelves, all the displays, everything we'd worked so hard to painstakingly arrange for almost a year. We said goodbye, and he promised he would talk to me when summer came so he could collect on his bet and we could go out of lunch/dinner. We hugged, kissed each other on the cheek, got into our respective cars and left.

I haven't seen or heard from him since. I emailed him a few times, but my email bounced back. He'd changed his email? I didn't dare to text him because it got him in trouble with his wife. Finally, in April, right on my birthday when I thought he would call but didn't, I sent him a text message. It bounced back. He'd changed his cell phone number. And I knew that recently, he'd moved to a larger house (he'd told me about it back in November). So, in full-stalking mode, I looked up where he lived. It was only 35 minutes from me. I got the phone number that went with the address. And I waited... all summer... for him to call.

You can call me obsessive, I don't care. I guess the lack of closure is just killing me. I need to know- how is he? Is he still married? How's the baby? Is it a boy or a girl? Did it live for god's sake? I can't take the suspense. He wasn't just someone I loved, he was my friend for almost a year and I miss him unbearably. In May, when I got out of school, I thought maybe he just didn't know when my classes were over. In June, I thought he'd call. In July, I thought he'd call. In August... I thought he'd call before I go back to school. But here it is, August 28, and nothing.

Tomorrow, I'll have the opportunity to drive to his house without anyone knowing. I hate to sound so stalkerish, but I need there to be an end to this. There has to be an official ending. It's keeping me up at night, and I hate that he can do that even after I haven't talked to him for eight months.

Please give me your full opinion on the matter... and what I should do about it.

Should I...

a. forget about him? It's painful, yes, but I need to put the past behind me. What's done is done. He obviously hasn't contacted me because he doesn't care anymore.

b. drive over to his house? His overly-jealous wife may have prevented him from contacting me and he really misses me too. Maybe I wouldn't get to see him... but I could be within a few feet of where he's been.

c. drive over to his house, ring the doorbell, and see who answers? If it's his wife, I'm in major trouble. If it's him, I'm probably still in major trouble.

d. not drive over to his house but give him a call? I can call from a disposable cell phone so I can't be tracked. If his wife picks up, I hang up and no one knows anything. If he picks up, I say hello.

Interesting Discovery

I've just stumbled over something that pretty cool: Tubesnow.com.

If you go there (as you should), you'll discover a program called Tubes. Download it. What this nifty, innovative little program does is hold all the 'tubes' you've subscribed to. A tube in this context is basically a big dumping pot that can be between only you and a friend or between you and the world. Make a tube (public or private) and add things like word documents, mp3's, pictures, powerpoint presentations, etc. to it by drag-and-drop. Once you add it to the tube, whoever has access to that tube can also download it. It's kind of like sharing your desktop with someone else. As the site claims: FTP was so Web 1.0.

There's not much interesting on it yet, but bookmark this site and check back every so often. The potential for this kind of program is staggering. Diggnation's already leaped on board by advertising for it (and maintaining a Diggnation tube of its own). I would suggest subscribing to a tube I found that apparently started just today: The Best of BakuraRyou Fanfiction. Eh-pic, my friends.

Here's the description.

This tube will hoard the best of Bakura and Ryou fanfiction, be it yaoi or simply friends. You probably won't see too much angst, but I guarantee you'll see loads of romance. Email Aithril@gmail.com to submit a story you think should be included in this tube. I update once or twice a week with a new story or later chapters of an old one.

Subscribe to this tube to have the best of BakuraRyou fanfiction downloaded to your desktop automatically. Read it offline, print it out and take it somewhere, it's all up to you! Fanfiction has never been more mobile.

Awesomeness. No doubt they'll also put up some pictures, episode clips, and music eventually. Join to support their genius idea!

Jesus Freaks

John

John is a Jesus freak. He thinks like Jesus. He looks like Jesus. He should just be Jesus and get it over with. For some odd reason... I went out with him. Yeah, okay, mistake. And we definitely fooled around a bit. MISTAKE. Ugh. John's okay, but he loves his religion more than he loves any woman, and that will be his downfall. After me, he moved on to my friend Rachel, who I might as well get into now (just like he tried to!)

Rachel

Another Jesus freak. At the moment, she's stuck between going to our college or abandoning it and moving to Florida to become a missionary. Seriously. And she loves Jesus! It sounds like Rachel and John were a match made in heaven, true. Yet it turned out that Rachel loves God more than John and she felt he was interfering with her holy relationship. He loves God more than he loves her, too, but God doesn't have half the set of knockers Rachel has.

That being said, Rachel is one of the sweetest girls I know. She's going to live in my six-person suite next year.

Brian

A guy friend. He's built like a tank, if a bit on the heavy tank side, and occasionally annoys me, but would support me nevertheless. He's cool.

Shawn

A guy friend who normally doesn't run in the same circles I do. I run in the nerd-computer-geek circles. He runs in the drunk-partying-theater-group circles. Mysteriously enough, he seems to be attracted to me, which he demonstrates in the awkward way of deliberately elbowing into me whenever we run into each other. Literally. I hate it when boys suck at flirting. He's a beautiful boy, but I lost interest in him ages ago. Time for him to get over me.

Those are probably the most important players in my college life. Now we just have about five more days until I get there. I talked to Marlie today and she's happy. Moving in. Adjusting to dorm life again once more.

Uh, so speaking of Jesus:

The Leads

There’s a big group of vibrantly different people centered around my college life, and I’ll try my best to touch on them all, but I’m only going to cover three at a time or you would get completely lost.

Liam

My best friend at school. He’s a big computer and anime geek with an intense appreciation for cat girls, and I’m really close to him. Really close. He feels like he’s my little brother. Actually, more like my little sister. Liam has a girlfriend, but she definitely wears the pants in the relationship. Not just emotionally and mentally, but physically, she acts like a man. That’s not a bad thing. It makes Liam and her perfect for each other, because Liam is the girl and he’s most likely bisexual. I asked him once, and he said he didn’t know, which means “I haven’t had the chance yet, but yes.” Which is fine with me. He’s the sweetest, kindest guy I’ve ever met and I’m extremely thankful to have him as my friend.


Sam

Another close friend of mine from school. Our group of friends think that we’re attracted to each other, and I don’t know about him, but I’m not. Remember how great my sense of smell is? Sam smells damn good. He just does. Plus, I love his hair. It’s straight and yet has volume without him doing anything. But there’s no way I could ever be with him. He has a lot of problems to work out in his life, related with anxiety issues, the friends he hangs out with at home… don’t get me wrong. He’s a good kid. And I care about him a lot. But me and him together together? Uh uh, no way.

Elise

My closest girl friend at school. She’s one of those people who kind of floats through life and is never really on top of things, but I love her anyway. She’s socially awkward and that leads to some embarrassing situations on crew team (of which we’re buddy-buddy at). Nevertheless, Elise is a good person who makes me laugh. She’s an anime freak who occasionally squeals too much. I still say that I love her. This year, for the first time, we’ll be room mates. Will I be able to deal with her odd quirks in a small six by ten foot space? Or will her squeals drive me up the anime poster-laden walls?

Next post: John, Brian, and Shawn. Damn straight you’re excited.

Focus Shift

I apologize for flipping out a little and just generally sounding like a miserable, sulking little girl. It (theoretically) won't happen again, but there's of course no guarantee with that. I will note here, however, that the direction of this journal will be shifting slightly, seeing as Marlie and I are no longer in daily contact. I might not talk about her every day. Just every other day. Instead, the journal will focus more on, well, me. Hopefully you like me enough now to care about whether I live/die/succeed/fail. If you really don't give a shit about me and only want to hear about Marlie, come back December 15th. That's when we both return home for Christmas break.

On the other hand, we now have some exciting new material coming up, including the reunion of all my college friends (who you have yet to meet), school dramas (let's face it, I'm a curly-haired, hazel-eyed Jew going to a just-turned-public former-Catholic institution), and the most epic job search of all time. Because I am poor. Dirt-poor. You'd think that me, being Jewish as I just mentioned, would not have this problem. Oh well. Later tonight I'll post some bios of the people who'll be in my life for the next nine months or so.

I believe the following image will communicate the new focus of Hikari as Not Seen on TV.

Just said goodbye...

... to Marlie. She leaves tomorrow morning around 7. I went over tonight and said goodbye. I can't believe that today is August 24th. Wasn't it just yesterday that it was May and I drove over to meet Marlie the minute she came home? And didn't we just go to the beach together? UGH. I had forgotten to take my half of the earrings we bought, so we split them tonight. Then we kind of stared at the floor because neither of us wanted to say it.

She said, "So... bye." and I burst into tears. Big surprise. She hugged me and patted my hair and murmured little things. (She's getting much better at that. It used to be that I would begin to cry and she's just stand awkwardly nearby, heh.)

Just the memory has made me start up again. Short version is that Marlie's gone and I have one more week until I get back to school. Not only that, but I'm PMSing. No one likes a PMS poster (me least of all) so I'm going to save it for tomorrow.

Myth #6

Myth #6. Hikaris are intensely photo-shy. Yamis don't really mind the camera and tolerate it. (Source 1. Source 2.)

Myth votes: 1/2
Truth votes: 1/2

(At least, that's what the one vote seemed like.)

This myth is, in fact, exactly that. Half true, half false. Unfortunately, our one voter got it backwards. The truth is that hikaris are actually photo-shy and not at all photogenic. Really. Not even a little bit photogenic. Every single photo of me turns out horribly. Except that ear picture I posted. I liked that quite a bit, actually.

It's not that I don't like my appearance. In general, I think I'm a pretty girl, occasionally even beautiful when I'm encouraged by effort to put on a little makeup, spend some time on my hair, etc. But somehow, my smile and my eyes get screwed up in pictures. It's a mystery. It makes sense, however, that the few good pictures taken of me have been taken by Marlie.

Marlie is a camera freak. She loves her camera, which has all these funky lenses that do I-don't-even-know-what, but they look cool. And it's not a new digital camera, oh no. This is an old school, it's-possible-to-run-out-of-film camera. Her hobby started in a photography class she took in the eighth grade based on a guidance counselor's recommendation (I really ought to tell you that story sometime, oh boy oh boy) and kinda took off from there. Suddenly I would go over her house, and by the end of the night, I'd be blinded by her flash. Even though I'm not photogenic, I'm her favorite subject. And, occasionally, she scores an awesome photo of me that I squeal about on Facebook.

My favorite photo by her is one where I'm focused on writing, and I have this odd half-smile, half-grimace on my face. It's almost hidden by my hair, which is wild and crazy in that photo. It was a rainy day and that's just spectacular for perfect curls (NOT. It looked like I had an afro.) But still, there's something about that photo that makes me smile when I look at it. That one, and a picture she took on Valentine's Day when she wrote me a really cute best friend's card. I'm wearing this adorable pink shirt that we found in my favorite store and blushing at a shade that almost matches the shirt because what she wrote was so damn cute. I should begin making a collection on here of cards she's created over the years. For someone who doesn't communicate efficiently with others, she would be perfect at Hallmark.

And although Marlie loves to take pictures, she hates having pictures taken of her. She's allowed me to have a few over the years, but this picture is just one of the kind I usually get of her.

An answer to a question I've been asked a few times now: Yes, this journal is anonymous. Yes, I realize you could probably easily trace my IP address and whatnot- but I'd prefer you didn't. Respect my privacy. I'm considering pouring something out in this journal to get it off my chest, something quite personal. Well, very personal. You know it's got to be personal if even Marlie doesn't know...

Anyway, that picture is probably all you'll ever see of Marlie. And that ear of me.

Consider that the anonymous character of this journal allows me, more than ever, to be free and tell the truth. You can revel in the knowledge that every word in this journal, down to the last grain of a period, is absolute truth. Well, except in cases of names. That's part of the anonymity. And except for conversations that happened before I was 10. My memory isn't quite amazing enough to rattle them off like they're verses from the bible and I'm Jesus.

In apology for being late with my entry, below is a goody. If you frown before you laugh, quit taking yourself so seriously! No one else does. If you laugh first, right on.

The Order of Death

I kept waking myself up last night by rolling onto my left ear. Ouuuuuch.

I'm going to meet with an old friend of mine today around 12:30- Jane Phillips, a high school English teacher who I became very close to. She's looked at most of my writing, critiqued it, and has just supported me in every way. Phillip's actually a brilliant poet. She was made the poet laureate for our county last year. This is the first fall where she's retired from teaching a full-time class. Now she just tutors at the local community school. Mrs. Phillips, unfortunately, has MS, which I'm sure you've all heard of (if not, there's Wikipedia). In the past three years, it's grown much much worse and forced her to quit teaching.

It feels to me like great writers always end up dying young. Isn't that the truth? I don't know if anyone knows Rozefire from the Inuyasha section of FF.net, but I go over to her journal sometimes and I learned that she has MS as well and it's hardly dormant. Edgar Allan Poe died young at 40. Hemingway killed himself when he was 60. Look at this interesting article that I found. Creepy, isn't it? Thank god I stopped writing poetry.

After I'm done chatting with Mrs. Phillips, my mom and I are going college-shopping, probably at Walmart. I need a whole bunch of things, from toiletries to notebooks to rainboots and a heating pad.

Myth #6 Preview: Hikaris are intensely photo-shy. Yamis don't really mind the camera and tolerate it.

The arguments for either side are fairly good in this case. Does that fact that I've never shown a photo of myself mean I'm photo-shy, or it does it mean I merely want to remain anonymous? Does the fact that Marlie didn't want a picture taken of her earring mean she's self-conscious about the piercing or does it mean she hates photos, period. Comment away!

The Long-Awaited Aibou Day Results

Today was spectacular!

There's nothing like spending a little hikari/yami time to just slow down and take things a minute at a time, you know? We get so caught up in spending time with all our other friends, being at our respective jobs (if we have them), and hanging around with our folks that it's hard sometimes to just sit with each other. You'd think it wouldn't be so difficult, but as they say, life gets in the way of things.

This morning, I picked up my favorite bleary-eyed yami at 9AM and took her to breakfast. It went like this.

"Good morning! Happy Aibou Day!" Insert my enthusiastic hug here.

"Mm."

"Let's go to Manhatten Bagel and then cross the street to Starbucks for some coffee."

"MMMMM!" Insert her enthusiastic hug here.

After she had a bagel and some coffee in her (and I a bagel with creamcheese and some hot chocolate), we came back to my house to watch some, er, House. There's nothing better than watching House with some comfort food and drink. After we watched our favorite episode, it was around 10:30 so we trooped over to the mall to beat the crowd and get our ears pierced. I was slightly terrified, but Marlie was encouraging ("I've heard cartilage piercings don't hurt at all, hikari!") and a liar. Okay, it didn't hurt that much. I barely cried. Here's the end result. The hoop's a little bigger on my ear than I thought it would be. Apparently, I have very small ears (so that lady told me). Marlie inspected my ear and declared it was gorgeous.

In fact, she was so impressed with my piercing that she decided that screw double holes on her lobes, she was getting the same thing as me. I got mine in my left ear. She got hers on her right, not as a hoop, but as a little midnight-blue stud. It looks really pretty, but she wouldn't let me take a picture.

While we were walking back to the car, I took out the little recipe book I'd made and she picked out peanut butter cookies. By then, it was almost 11:30, so we drove to the store, picked up ingredients, and drove to Panera for lunch. It's a bread, soup, and salad place that's absolutely delicious. My favorite combination is a chicken ceasar sandwich with a chicken ceasar salad. Repetitive, yes. Repetitively yummy, yes yes. Marlie prefers the black bean soup in a bread bowl, which is also good.

And now, the most exciting part: what we did for Marlie's afternoon with me. First of all, we climbed into the car and she shoved me out of the seat.

"Hey-"

"Put this on. I'm driving." She held out a blindfold.

"Uh?"

"Just do it." So I slid over into the passenger seat and put on the blindfold, feeling absolutely ridiculous. She started the car and began driving.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

We must have had that conversation four times at least. The car ride was long! After about an hour, we parked somewhere and I cocked my head. I could hear people screaming and shouting- it sounded like a big ol' crowd. "Where are we?"

"Just wait." I heard her car door slam, and then she was over on my side. "Get out."

I obediently climbed out of the car and stood uncertainly in... somewhere. I tapped my foot on the ground. Concrete. I sniffed the air... popcorn?

"Come on." Marlie's hand caught mine and tugged. I walked after her, feeling for each footstep.

"Heh. Your nostrils are flaring. What do you smell?" She was enjoying this, naturally.

"Popcorn. Exhaust... cotton candy?" I listened hard. My hearing sucks, but I could definitely hear a clacking noise underlying everything. "What is that noise?"

"Hm." I could practically feel the ear-to-ear grin she had on. "You'll see." She stopped me and began talking with some guy.

"Two, please."

"That'll be $44.50."

"Thanks."

"Where are we?" I asked, bemused, and the guy she had been talking to chuckled.

"Don't say a word," I heard Marlie instruct him. We walked through one of those turnstile things, and I still had no idea where we were. We could be anywhere. What was an hour from my house that would be like this? I was stumped.

"Can I take this off?"

"Just a few more minutes," she promised. "Then you'll take it off anyway."

That made me nervous.

"Will I like this?" I asked suspiciously.

"Oh, yeah."

"You're positive?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay."

We kept walking, hand in hand, and I could feel the sun on my face, the breeze in my hair, and the smell wafting by of... pool water? What?

"What the hell?" I finally said, and Marlie laughed.

"Here we are." I could definitely smell some kind of gasoline or motor scent now. "Don't take it off yet," she added, swatting my hands away from the ends of the blindfold. "One minute more, tops."

A whole bunch of people were talking in front of us, and I tried to listen in, but I couldn't quite catch what they were saying. "No listening," Marlie said strictly as soon as she saw. "Stuff your hands in your ears."

"You're kidding me." I felt her take my hands and place them over my ears. "Good god, woman."

I heard the faint sound of her laughing once again, and then we shuffled forward. We headed up a ramp, then turned 180 degrees into a corner and walked further up the other way. Then we turned and walked the same distance the opposite direction, still getting higher up each time. "Are we in some kind of line?" I asked, pretty loudly because I couldn't hear myself. No one answered (that I could hear, anyway). I opened my eyes under my bandanna and tried futilely to see anything. It was an effective blindfold.

Finally, Marlie helped me into some sort of seat, taking care that I wouldn't touch the edges with my fingers to see what it was. I plopped down and felt her sit next to me, rather close. I took my fingers out of my ears. Something metallic clicked near my ear. "What was that?"

"Nothing. Don't move an inch."

"Why?" I was fairly panicked now.

"Hikari," she purred, nearly in my ear. "Trust me." Nearby, someone laughed.

Abruptly, the seat I was in began to move with an almost-familiar clack. I was in some sort of train. We swerved to the left and then began clacking upwards, being pulled by a chain. And then I KNEW!

I ripped off the blindfold. "YES!" Marlie giggled hysterically beside me as I bounced up and down in excitement. "We're on the Phoenix! We're on the Phoenix!" The Phoenix is an amazing rollercoaster at a nearby amusement park. Which we were at. Which I was on!

The afternoon was spent going on every roller coaster in the park and quite a few of the other rides. We then came home and baked cookies for dinner. She dropped me off about an hour ago and I am now completely pooped. I'm going to bed at eight tonight.

That's in eleven minutes.

'Night.

The Day's Beginning

Tomorrow is Aibou Day, and I can't help but be damned curious about what Marlie will do.

I know what I'm doing.

I'll take her for breakfast to Manhatten Bagel, where we'll pick up a plain bagel for breakfast (she loves them plain, I don't know how she does it). Then we'll go get our ears pierced at a nearby place. We have them pierced with one hole in each each lobe, but we decided earlier this summer to get another piercing for shock value. I think I'm getting this kind of piercing. I want to be able to put a little ring around the outside of my ear. If I know Marlie- and I do- she'll definitely be less adventurous and just opt for a second pair of holes behind her first two, which is fine.

After this, I'm going to produce a list of recipes that I searched out. They're extremely specific recipes. Each one is incredibly low fat, has no milk/butter/dairy products of any kind, and are yummy-sounding. I'll make her pick something to make, and we'll drive to the market and pick something to make together.

We haven't cooked together in a while and I know I'll miss it in what's apparently just down to a week or so until she leaves. When we cook, it's absolutely gorgeous. My sister, as I explained in earlier postings, has mental problems but she can be unusually perceptive. Once, when we were cooking, she called us planets. Bemused, I asked her to explain, and she said, "Because you revolve around each other. You're sensitive to each other. When she moves, you move. When she leans one way, you lean toward her to fix the balance. You're like planets."

And it does make an odd kind of sense. When we cook together, it's in perfect harmony. We're content not to talk and instead to listen to music. It's a playlist of our favorites, so we dance, spin around, and generally be silly while being productive at the same time. I pass her an egg, she cracks it. She hands me the flour, I pour. I give her the spoon, she stirs. Like my sister said, planets. Or plain, simple chemistry: action and reaction.

Today, I found a song in my inbox from Marlie. It's by Keane, a favorite of ours, and it's called Atlantic. It's perfect.

I need a place
that's hidden in the deep
where lonely angels sing you to your sleep
the modern world is broken.

I need a place
where I can make my bed
a lover's lap where I can lay my head
cause now the room is spinning.

The day's beginning...